Have You Ever Heard The Saying: In Life Pain Is Inevitable? To Get To The Beauty In Life You Have To First Go Through Pain And Hard Times? Have You Ever Heard The Wolf Cry? Well Then Read To Find Out My Answer On How We Can Break This Curse.
Let me tell you what I have been thinking about! My answer as to why life is the way we know it as today….. full of pain, forcing us to fight harder for our happiness, for what seem like a fleeting moment in time. We spend more time fighting to attain happiness than actually living through happiness.
You ever heard the saying: Life gives you what you put into it? How about the other two questions in the title? About, in life pain is inevitable. And to get to the beauty of life you first have to go through pain and hard times.
Anything that is brought into existence always stays into existence. If a living thing is too die, the body then rots or is burned making one with the world. If any thought, pain, suffering, happiness, peace is felt, the energies stays in this world. If any object is created, when disposed of or changed from its original form, it is still in existence but in a different form. For example: If a tree is cut down to make paper, the tree no longer is there but it is still there in paper.
Whether buried, or burned, or made into something new, everything stays. This is why I believe life is more painful than pleasure.
Let me better explain! I think that the meaning of life is US. I think this because we are everything. Even when we are gone we will always be apart of everything. We have to break free from this circle of hell, into the life that can better benefit all and not some.Everything is always going to be everything and nothing would always remain nothing.
So many have caused pain to others that didn’t deserve it. We tend to have hard times and not realize that it is because what we have done to others and most importantly ourselves. For the times we have allowed people to treat us less than what we deserved. For the times that we put up with all the pain, from the bad that others had caused because we choose to stay in a place that was harmful to us etc. For the times we knew we deserved much better but we chose others over ourselves. Even the things we do not know that we have caused to go wrong, eventually comes back to us, with or without our knowledge. Something as simple as not doing something properly, not working hard and not taking the time out to do something with proper care can come back to hunt us.
You happen to use the bathroom and the Toilet Paper fell but you were to lazy to pick it up, so you left it there for the next person that comes, that too will come back to you. That person now has to take time out of their life to stop an do something that was an unnecessary mishap to them. Without us knowing, we will have to spend unnecessary times going through unnecessary mishaps or hardships for our every little decisions. Don’t matter how small it may seem, by the time it comes back to us it has already been multiplied. So by the time it gets back to us, it is now a big obstacles waiting in our future paths.
Something as simple as getting frustrated over something can come back to destroy your peace. At work the tape machine kept jamming, I then kept saying I Hate this machine. A few minutes later I almost fell and after that I bumped my leg from my anger with the tape machine. A Co- Worker put a wrong size box on a cabinet, I then pushed down on the box and almost fell while trying to tape it. He knew the size of the box was wrong but he didn’t fix it.
Because of this when I went to tape the box shut there was nothing there so the box caved in from the pressure of my hands almost causing me to fall. If he had taken the time to fix his mistake and if I didn’t put out those negative energies into life none of this would have happen. Yes it may be small but small things eventually will turn big. This is why we should do things rite the first time and not without frustration. This is why we and our feelings should remain neutral so that we do not get affected by the little things that cause us to fall pray to bad things comin or happening in our way.
One way to stop the bad from entering one’s life from another is by doing everything the first time with care and kindness and to the best of your abilities. Do not take shortcuts and do not be useless to others. Allow others to fend and do for themselves. Make sure no-one takes advantage of you but also be the one to step in and pull the dead weight of others when needed.
When the time comes life will be harder than what it was supposed to be simply because we did not take the proper time and action before. Things may just seem to go all wrong for you because you did not put in the time and care needed into every choice that you have chosen. When it comes to how others will treat us, it will be more clumsy and careless than we have originally done to them. We may not see it but we will feel it and experience it.
We also do not know how much evil that has been put into the world before and after our creation, which we still continue to add too in this current moment. So many of us in life has experienced more bad moments that good moments. Our burdens and demons are much bigger than our happy days, always sucking our souls out of our bodies, stripping away all the assets of ones future, making the chances for abundance hard to attain.
We find it easy to sin but hard to stay on the rite path. We are tempted and taken out of our character’s falling prey to the dark side. We do not know what life really is as yet. So the more we sin and do or think bad, we are attaching ourselves to all things bad that already exist. Everything that can go wrong, now will go wrong.
Everything that is meant for us will push itself away as our energies begins to lower. This is what happened to us when we first sinned and continued to sin. We have to change the energy of the world in order to have it work with us instead of fighting to go against us.
When we think of our past or go back in time on the bad that we have been through, the bad is now multiplied. We tend to keep reliving and keep paying for the same pains but in different ways and at different times. When we think of the future, we are creating into existence our own future or a new future from what life had to offer to us. This sounds good but it isn’t! This is because for now we are not ready to do this. We have no yet grasp, what life fully has to offer.
This is why we are limiting ourselves from the abundance of life. Life is willing to give us more than what we can imagine, making our lives brighter than what we can dream of. The past and the future should be thought of less than what we have been doing. Only good moments should be relived or dreamt of in many. We have to spend more time on breaking this circle. It is possible to put a stop to all energies that already exist and make a new energy wave, with more good than bad, so that we can attract ourselves to better.
The past is our Demon and so too is the future. The only way out of this circle is through the current moment. If we only think and do for this moment and less of the past and the future we are allowing life to be what it is…… Beautiful. Just because life is hard doesn’t mean that it has stopped or it will stop being beautiful.
Because of our past and current actions, life is set up to go against us because that is what we have put into life. This is why I believe life is really what you make it. Yes me, yes them, yes you. Life is full of so much hate, anger, negativity, pain etc that more people are down and sad, evil and hateful over happy and peaceful. Because everything stays into existence, the bad now over powers the good. This is why life is hard for many. All the evil people of the past and current, all the things that they have created and done is now following us. We have to stand up and fix the mistakes of the past while protecting our actions and thoughts for the current moment in time.
It seems impossible to only think for the current moment and not that of others moments. We have not yet started to live life. Yes we are alive but too live life is to actually live it. How? by talking less and doing less, while achieving more by using the mind. This will force us to think everything with our minds which will attract the things we need or want from life to us. This way our hopes and dreams wouldn’t be placed into people but into life. The actions of our body would be less but we will be living life and not just the physical experience. We can achieve twice as much as we are now if we let the subconscious lead our bodies and not our bodies leading our subconscious.
For Example: I can say that I am hungry out loud and no one will say or do much but if I say it in my mind someone might be somewhere about to eat and just happened to offer me some as a act of kindness. This person may not know that I am hungry but we are all connected in a world we are still learning. We do not have to speak or act for us to connect.
The way we perceive actions and words are different because we are all having a different experience. But somewhere somehow we are all part of the same. When we live life, life and not the physical life, we tend to see that our wants and needs are faster and better fulfilled than when we do everything physically. In this world we connect better with others while creating less obstacles in our paths through our insides and not the outsides.
I have been trying this do the ‘do less method’ by the body and think more with the subconscious mind. My needs are being answered over not being answered or slowly answered. My obstacles are easier to remove from my life. The blockage placed on my life is slowly being lifted by my actions. Everyone that is not meant to be in my life is soon fading away due to my new methods.
No-one knows of what I am doing but somehow the bad people in my life seems to catch an attitude with me or get angry and faster show me their bad sides. I have seen the demon in some of them. People saying and thinking things that I wasn’t thinking because of their guilt for the bad the have contributed to my life. They have said and done bad things because they assume and took action or do things that shows the true face of the demon inside because to them I am now unreadable making it harder for them to disrupt my energy. I am becoming unreadable allowing all bad to fall prey and misstep, eventually showing me what lies in the dark. This helps me to also connect better with everyone good that is in my life.
We bump head less and the good moments are more than the bad. The people that are meant for me seems to ask less of me but give more. They talk to me as regular and I enjoy life and others the same. The only difference is that the way in which I choose to experience life is different. I can see better than before when it comes to the hardships of life.
I still feel the pain of life but the pain is not as deep as before. Less people do things to upset me, less people seem to try to test or take advantage of me and life seems a little kinder. For the bad that still exist in my life, well it hurts less because I am trying to not think of the bad moments. I have moments where I feel bad for what I am going through but the less I dwell on it the less I feel the pain that come with life. I know that I can do something where I can stop being affected by others bad actions and words towards me. I should only be affected by the things I want to be affected by and not what others what me to be affected by.
This helps because my useless actions and words are less and so to it is from others. The more I talk less the more I see that at times its no need to do or say anything at all. A person might say something good or bad and it does’nt need a reply or action but in the physical world we think that if we do not reply it is disrespectful. But in the unseen world at times we just need to listen to others and not always make it about anything because once created it is here to stay. But with the physical experience we are doing and saying to a point we do not know the limits or guidelines that life has for us. We are putting unnecessary things into life creating bad and unnecessary energies to return to us.
At times when people say or do anything to us dont matter how nice we are, or how bad the act is, it is because we do not draw a line in life, life but only the physical life so their unseen actions or words can still seep into our lives causing pain. A person maybe nice to you one day and mean the other. Some might say something nice today and tomorrow speaking bad of you or too you.
The trick to stopping the bad energies from intruding ones life is to draw a line that all other energies cannot penetrate which means we cannot penetrate anyone’s energies either. By doing this we will be mixing our energies into others where there bad would now follow into our lives. When we do or say unnecessary things, it can be perceived by others the wrong way. We are creating actions and thoughts in others that may come off the wrong way. To find a way to keep our energies high where our conflicts and disagreements with others are less is the best way for us to go.
I have been trying to talk and do less with my body and more with my mind. At work today I was thinking that I was hungry. My co- worker then came back from the lunch room with a bag of chips. I saw the chips and said that I should ask for it. I didn’t ask but everything was in my head. He then came over to me and offered me some.
If I had said out loud that I was hungry then at that current time no-one would have said anything or have anything to offer. But because my energies was places into life and not the physical world my words were heard faster. In this world we have the ability to do less and get more instead of doing more and getting less.
We have to also stop all negative or bad actions in oneself. Or even control the bad to the point that it is only used as a weapon of protection for a good cause. One also has to have no part of subjecting another too do bad or to think bad. This is the way I think we can break the curse of the world together. Too my mind the current moment in time is the only way to stop the pain of the future while removing the evil and pain of the past. This will bring abundant happiness too all that is willing to do this, changing our overall vibrations.
We are all connected in the subconscious world. We all know what we all want and need in life and somehow we can help to fulfil each other’s lives in this world. We do not have to know anything about the other but yet somehow we all complete eachother lives.
On the morning of Saturday, March 30th,1996 in Trinidad & Tobago a baby girl was born. Her mom had her on the 3rd month of the year, the 30th day, 3 days after her birthday and she had just turned 33. 330333. For her mom, it was supposed to be a one night stand that lasted for 3 days. On the 3rd day, to her Mother's surprised, she was conceived with a Baby. Just a fun fact about this magical soul. Coincidence, maybe, maybe not. While her mother was pregnant with her while living on the streets, a Nun took Jaishema into a shelter and gaved her daughter her first name upon her birth. She is now known as Abigail M M.... Numbers 757.
Growing up I was no ordinary girl. I was fast as a bee & wild as a bear. I was always dirty since my brother and I lived in an abandon house, deep in the bushes with my mentally ill mother. We hardly had food to eat, no running water or electricity. Inside the abandoned house was only an old mattress, a pot with charcoals, newspapers, a few pieces of clothing and little food.
Such a tom boy I always ran off to enjoy nature. I was always missing from my mother's view, either to be found high up in a tree or in the dirt looking for lizard eggs. I though they were so cute and tiny. I used to think I was keeping an eye on them making sure they were safe. I was the most beautiful little girl who as an adult carry the same face. I wore a lot of dresses that was sadly covered in mud where the details and colors were no longer visible. I enjoyed climbing the tallest trees. My favorite is the fruit trees because it makes you feel like the climb was worth it. Mango trees Ummmmhhhh. Either way to me the climb was worth it because when you have reached the top you can now sit and enjoy the view. Its weird because now that I am older, I have a fear of heights. Probably because I have gotten so used to holding on to the tree branches and always being in control of whether I fall or not. I enjoyed building huts out of coconut leaves and doing everything I was told not too do. I enjoyed eating cups of milk & sugar since that was my main source of food. I hated when my mother would tell me to mix my juice with water because it was watery and didn't taste as good as it should have. We used charcoals to brush our teeth since my mother couldn't afford toothpaste. It worked like a charm, she always made sure my teeth was pearly white. To use the bathroom we had to poop on newspapers and pee outside under the house. We would use an oil lamp to see in the night for both outside and inside. My little brother do not remember as much as I do since I was older. He used to stay in the house with my mother while I walked for what seems like miles to a 4 year old for drinking water, since he was a baby at the time and could not make the walk. I remembered one day I fell into the ditch of water and I receive unexpected strength that helped pulled me to safety. The tap was really high but underneath my feet was wooden boards and under that was a hole of water. I guess the water pressure was so strong that the excess water made a deep pool so for no one to fall there was a wood dock nailed together to make a walkway to the tap. My feet slipped and I fell in! Holding on the the foundation, my feet was too short to pull myself up to reach the board. I then kept on trying and out of nowhere I was able to do it as if my feet wasn't to short anymore. Someone unseen helped me up.
My mother showed me how to be tuff on my own as far back as I can remember, she showed me how to properly balance a bucket of water on my head so that I can carry it easier.
I even saved my mothers life once by saying the word STOP. One day our neighbor killed a huge snake as long as an Anaconda and wanted to show my mother. Mean while a few minutes before I was high up in the trees when a snake fell trying to reach down and bite me. I kept on enjoying the wild as I heard my neighbor screaming go get your mom. I went inside but she send me back outside and told me to tell him that she is cooking. When my mom finally came outside the man took his cutlass/ machete and tried to chop my mom up to death. They were running around in circles and I didn't know what to do. I thought to myself if I screamed no-one would hear me, if I ran I would not make it in time or maybe he would run after me and kill me too. That was when I realized that this is a spiritual fight. In that moment I believed in my inner power that whatever I wanted from life, I can and will make happen. At that moment I wanted him to stop and he would obey my command. In that moment of life I realized that I only had myself and that the only solution to this problem is in me. What I need is in my soul. When all physical self is abandoned, when all physical self disappears, when you realize that the physical self can no longer help you, it is only ONE option left. In you! Your soul! I am the one that determines how this is going to end. I screamed STOP with all my might as hard as I can for as long as I could have. The man then stopped looked at me waving his machete and said you are lucky and went back inside. This goes to show you how crazy people really are and the reasons why we need to separate good from evil once and for all. Something so simple as a lack of attention or praise from others can drive someone to do anything to get the feeling they want. I should not have know that the world was evil under the age of 5.
Around the age of five, one day a woman visited my home from another country to find me a safer home. It was a rainy day out, I was busy playing with my Barbie's, outside when I saw this strange lady came walking up towards the steps. I stood there confused as she said the words " I am your sister" …… I started yelling as to why no-one told me I had a sister. No-one had mentioned her before but I knew I had several brothers. She came because the home I once knew with my mother was become unsafe day by day since her mental illness was getting worst. P.s I found out I have more sisters when I grew older.
Many years back my mother was the most beautiful person. I got the chance to see a picture of my mother before she got sick with mental illness. She was full of beauty for all, posing as if she was a model with an artistic talent many will gladly wish to posses. She created the most beautiful wedding cakes. Sadly not everything stays the way we would like. Growing up I was told by my sister and family members that my mother was abused badly by her mother to the point she sometimes made my mom have sex in the bar she owned so that she can keep the money to herself. When my mom tried to play with her toys her mother would beat her and flush it down the toilet. As my mom got older she tried finding ways to cope. From running away, to alcohol to drugs to stories of people working black magic on my mother`s mind because of her beauty. I may never know the truth. But what I do know is that she has lost what she really loved..... Her kids, her mind & her lifestyle. She had big dreams that were left unaccomplished. Because of her mental state, she often was afraid of the outside world hurting us so she used to have several pad locks on the door at once. Maybe 6 or so to give a picture. She was so focus on locking the doors when we left for outside to the point locking us outside the house and forgetting the keys inside was was a normal thing. She then would push me up a wall into a whole leaving her fate to a 1 year old to climb in and retrieve the keys. Now you see why at 4 I was basically climbing things as high as a coconut tree. So when I was off missing high in the trees, while she was scared of my safety she knew what I was capable at since 1 so a part of her always knew I was smart and capable of great things. As I was growing up, I would catch her dazing out looking into my eyes. She never stopped, don't matter how old I had grown.
Fast Forward my brother was taken in by his father but my father was busy with his own family and his woman at the time did not want me to be apart of their lives. He cheated on his wife with my mother creating me. Maybe because of shame he left without looking back! Well I'm not 100% sure because as a kid an older male used to give me money on my walk home from school. He handed me money almost everyday from maybe when I was 11-13. He used to stand on a corner at a pubic place where I knew he couldn't hurt me so I used to take the money being that at home I only got $1 to go to school with. The man only says hi, smiles and gives me money as I continue my walk home. So back a little, I was taken to my brother's house where he said " She is not my responsibility & neither is she yours, you should return her to where you got her from. I was also told that the rest of my family excuses was no different along with the words,
" she looks just like her mother, she will turn out to be like crazy her mother too. We do not want that responsibility."
My sister said that she went crying to her friends that no-one wants me and she does not know what to do with me. She searched everywhere but no-one would take me in. She did not want to leave the country knowing I was not safe. Jackpot, I was taken in by them, complete strangers to me at the time. I was greeted by dogs surrounding me trying to rip me to pieces. I screamed as loud as a trumpet & quickly climbed up the fence. They were told by their owner to leave me alone as I slowly came back down to the ground. When I got inside I had a bath with clean clothes waiting for me & the most delicious food I have ever eating. I was not told the words I love you growing up but by the way I was taken care of I read in-between the lines & knew that they loved me. I was taught to hunt in the wild & shoot shotguns, learned how to cook by my aunt and her mother. I was taught how to fish and anything to do with the wild and nature by my Uncle Danny. Everytime I looked bored I was told to go and read a book by him. I had many toys as a kid from dolls to guns I had it all. I had lots & lots of guns, whether I was outside shooting or cooking for my dolls anytime my uncle saw me outside he would always tell me to go & pick up a book. I never understood why since he was the one that taught me the outside things. He loved me in his own special way. My aunt would be the one to cook for the household and wash my clothes, while her mother would make sure I ate breakfast before school and got me dressed. My aunt always did my hair and helped with my homework. She treated me as her own child since she had none of her own at the time.
Shortly after I started getting comfortable I was being sexually assaulted by an older kid of the family for the six to seven years I lived there. I was not the only one though, a older girl also staying there had to have sexual intercourse with him also. I was so scared & confused bring only 6 to tell anyone because he would tell lies on me when I said no and made me get beatings. Most of my beatings growing up was for something they did and he would put the blame on me. I would tell the truth that I did not do it but it seemed as if no one believed me. Since then I started lying to protect myself. It just became a part of me over the years to protect myself as best as I could. It got worst when it was time for me to eat, he would take the good foods out of my plate and give me everything he didn't like which turned out to be the same foods I didn't like either. I was always the last one at the dinner table, sometimes I would get beatings because I was sitting at the table for hours. As a child I could not leave the dinner table unless I ate all my food. I started getting smart by hiding the foods in my underwear, doors, toy box and fed it to the dogs. I sometimes had to hide from him because he would make me kneel in a corner for hours or have me sit with my thumbs sticking straight up while my back was completely straighten for hours. He would tell me if anyone asked what was wrong with me and to why I was like that to not speak because he would tell them I did something wrong so that I can get a beating. It felt like I couldn't speak for an entire year but only in school. I did not know what was going on because I did not believe an adult can fall for so many lies and not get to the bottom of me no longer speaking words. That did not make sense to me as a child. I always wanted to tell my sister or mom but everytime they called the adults would always stand by the phone to monitor our conversations. They even monitored when my mother would visit me all the way up until she left. Over the years I found a way to escape by running away to my mind. Unaware to me that I was practicing the art of meditation. I used this method so much that I developed a side where I was entering other dimensions. I taught I was just having the same dream for months where I would always start off from where I had left off the night before. Unknown to me I started accessing a higher power and knowledge. I still used this method to stay true to my human values in life & to always help find my way back to my chosen path.
One night instead of me going to the place I visited for months, I felt something heavy crawling up the bed onto my chest. The place I was going to was a cemetery with 2 trees that were dried up and scary. They were alive and would try to attack me. That night as I closed my eyes, before I can even fall asleep, I was greeted by the Devil himself as a snake. Even though my eyes was closed I saw him clear as day about to bite me. At the time I was afraid of snakes so I prayed & held my breath while praying until I passed out. I woke up the next morning to me screaming in fear. I noticed that the wooden antique bed was cracked in half & the floor was stained blood red as if it was an old deep stain that was there for 1000 years. I rubbed and rubbed to no success of removing it. My aunt quickly ran to my screams as I told them about the snake. Everyone kept asking " Are you sure that it was not a bird that got inside?" I said no, my eyes was closed but I saw it as if my eyes was open. The snake was about to bite me before I passed out from holding my breath while praying to God for help. Strangely they never asked about the bed being cracked or the deep red stain at the foot of the bed. But weirdly my pastor came by later on that same day, blessed & prayed for me. A short while after he left, my aunt said she saw a snake outside and to run as fast as I could and bring her the cutlass/ machete before it gets away. Like I had mentioned earlier I am a fast runner so a short while after I bring her the cutlass/ machete she told me that she thinks she got it, she was not sure because it slid away quickly. I never got a chance to see it. I was then sent to do my daily chores of picking up the ripe fruits that fell on the ground from all our different types of fruit tress like, mangos, plums, guavas and passion fruit and putting it into a bucket so that my aunt and grandmother can make fresh juices and jams or cakes etc. As I was walking outside the fence picking up the fruits I saw a baby snake dead in the drain with the same colors just the opposite ways. They were both red, black and white. One is supposed to be poison and one is not.
Then also, at that time I used to steal the church offerings to buy snacks. Everyone would be nice to me because they knew my life, they thought I was innocent and being one of the kids of the church, the pastor would leave me in the room with the baskets of money. Noone found out but somehow I think he knew. On my way home from school I would see a strange making coffins by pastor, since that was my past has side job. It was a regular thing to see him making call friends on my way home. no strange man that used to work with him but also stand on a corner and give me money what my pastor knowing, or so I think.
This is why today I believe it was the devil himself. Maybe from stealing from God or me traveling to places inwardly. I would steal on a daily from someone else $20 US a day which was $120 in my country. I did it for years, I would spend all the money in a day or snacks, music players and crazy things that made me happy. I would stop t Alot of stores on my walk home from home and steal from everyone. No one suspect Because they saw me as innocent. I was smart enough to avoid all cameras. I became aware from an early age that there is something going on in this world that many are not willing to talk about or fight. When spoken of, the world then labels you to be crazy or not normally forcing you to feel left out or unworthy. I promised the world at the age of 5 that I will stop your suffering and I haven't loat hope in this. The older I got, the more I realized someone has to change the world before it is too late.
From then on whenever I have questions about life, instead of turning to man himself, I turn to this hidden knowledge inside of me where I have learned a lot over the years. This hidden knowledge is inside all of us. It is up to us to figure out how to access it and reign our world. We all have our own demons to fight but it is up to us to have the knowledge we need to come out winner's in life. It is time to put a stop to the world saying we are not normal but they are. We are infact the normal one's, and the world is crazy. Those that chooses to stay in ignorance would be left behind and those that chooses to find the light and the cause of our sufferings would be the SAVED ONES. Those that listens but do not believe, support but do not understand, give but do not agree would also be saved. Those that live in total ignorance, shutting out all words and actions would be the ones that would be left behind in the end to serve us.
You see my mother's mom grew up the same way now that she is older she is bitter and racist. Growing up my oldest brother to also be racist. One time he took me for the summer, he told me not to go outside and play when the sun is out because I was getting to black. My friends was calling me to show me that they learned how to do a black flip but my brother ended up coming home from work early and caught me outside. He got so mad that be beat me with all his might using his belt. He is a body builder so you know that was the worst beating I have ever gotten in my lifetime, for being black. My mothers family is Indian so you know they own business such as bars and wearhouses but yet I have always struggled in life because of my mother's choice to love black men. My grandmother saw her very own mother being physical and emotionally abused by her own father. I even heard stories of her dad hanging her mom because she kept on making girl children and he wanted a boy so that our legacy to be passed on to him. My grandmother even thought my older brother to be racist to the point he dont like dark skinned women, nore have I even seen him dating a black women. So instead of my grandmother fighting her demons, she let them influence her to the point that this curse was passed down to my mother and her children. My grandmother spoiled all her grandkids but my mom kids which include me since we all had black fathers. With all this bad luck my family is still doing well for themselves back home, while I'm in a foreign country left fighting for myself. My sister took me to the country she lives in inorder to have a better life but we no longer speak. I told her that I was being sexually assaulted all those years when I was almost 15 years old. I told her because she was being mean to me by blaming me for past actions and constantly trying to put her hands on me without trying to see that I am not a bad person at all. Yes the older I got the more bad I had grew. From lying to fighting to bullying kids. I do not regret the things that made me a better person. My experiences is what made me a truly unique person. In my high school in Trinidad I was on my 9 suspension in only 2 years. I used to do stupid shit, like flooding the school bathroom, to making fun of teachers, to crazy glueing someone to their chair, to putting condoms and spit in a girls hair etc. I realized that I was a leader because everyone is willing to follow me, good or bad. I took advantage of my power over other's Because growing up everyone overlooked me. When I speak and join conversations, it's as if they cannot hear my world's, leaving me to watch the world go on without me. One day rhings change and ever since, wveryo wants my attention. Strangely these people are still in my life today asking for life advises. I was not kicked out of the school system because I was and still am a very smart lady but I was kicked out of the house. I had to go home else and shortly after my first high School principal and got so tired of my behavior that she lied to one of her friends and saying that I was a good kid so that way she can transferr me to her high School. It's funny because one day the new principal looked at me and she said I do not know why my friend lied to me but you're a horrible student. Don't matter how bad I had grown to be, I always passed my classes. I came to America after this girl took my head and started banging it into a wooden desk. Long story short I blacked out, everyone said I turned into hulk. No-one could contain me because of my strength, not the security guards, or principal or the hundreds of kids that was at school that day. I was told by the doctor that my strength levels measure in the high 80's, which is the strength of a man. I got up as she started running to the ground floor out of 3 floors in total. I took an iron chair while I waited for her to run into my view to throw it at her. I threw it down but missed her by an inch. I was about to jump off the second floor of the school so that I can catch up to her. Long story short she apologize but I still got suspended for it even tho it wasn't my fault. Someone told her that I said something about her mother and her mother is dead. I told her I don't know what she talking bout which was the truth. I was pretty popular in my first highschool and In the second, still so but not as much. I used my attention to follow the wrongs paths. Next thing you know I was on an airplane heading to America after one last incident because a group of men would be riding around the house trying to kidnap me, to not talk. While everything was going on It was Carnival in my country. I basically didn't want to go back home because everyone has washed their hands on me. I stayed out on the streets parting and dancing on big music trucks while drinking. I ended up being caught by someone I knew. When I first got onto the truch no1 was behind it, a short while I had alot of people following me partying with me. I ended up being pulled off the truck by the cops like 3 days later. The sister of the lady that looked after me when I was younger was the police officer that found me. The cops was looking for me. She then told her brother to take me home and instead of thim taking me home, he brought me more liquor. I dranked more and kept parting. I was so drunk drinking liquor that is 99% alcohol. Shortly after he took me to some place and tried raping me. I fought him off, kicked his penis and then ran out of his view. He was in his mid 30's at that time. I then went and kept partying to hide the big mess of a life I had. I mean what else could I have done when everyone gaved up on me. No1 believed I could have changed or have a successful future. I did all the wrongs and those that did wrong, every1 blamed me for being the leader. As a kid the adults would say no1 told her to do that but she told everyone to do what they did. I came to America and now my old ways no longer serves me. I treat others the way I would like to be treated. I found courage by holding on to hope & faith that everything has to come to an end one day. I still carried over some of my old ways into the U.S but as I am older and wiser my old ways no longer served me, if people cannot understand my past there is no need for them to be apart of my future. I have decided a long time ago to be strong enough on my own for the ones that has it worst than me. To always be grateful for the little I do have for to someone else it is a lot. To teach myself what love is and to pass it on too my fellow creatures that does not know what it feels like to be loved. To choose love over hate. Together with our own unique stories we can stand up & change our future. To separate the good from the bad & multiply the good. We will break the curses of darkness and reclaim the light. We will follow our own paths too the road of awareness and win our world back from evil. We will survive because we made it our Destinies to. As one we will get the victory we deserve. We are almost there.... To our Destinies. The world would soon bow down at our foot, giving us the victory we deserve simple because we believed in something better. And that something better we too deserves to be apart of it simply by our will to change our outcomes.
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7 thoughts on “Have You Ever Heard The Saying: In Life Pain Is Inevitable? To Get To The Beauty In Life You Have To First Go Through Pain And Hard Times? Have You Ever Heard The Wolf Cry? Well Then Read To Find Out My Answer On How We Can Break This Curse.”
I respect that because I feel like my life is a living pain. Too much emotions leads to too much pain. The past, present and future.
Awesome blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere? A theme like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog stand out. Please let me know where you got your design. Thanks a lot
The Awakening State 
I respect that because I feel like my life is a living pain. Too much emotions leads to too much pain. The past, present and future.
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Totally with you… That last part is something we all should learn
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That is lovely and every word true. Tell the truth though…were you dribbling at the bag of chips?
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LOL… I was but he didn’t see me tho. He was occupied at the time. When he opened it and offered me some, I was in my head like, Thank God. haha.
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Chuckling again now!
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Awesome blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere? A theme like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog stand out. Please let me know where you got your design. Thanks a lot
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Thank you so much! I’m on the premium plan under the theme ” independent publisher 2″
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